This Skin I'm In
by Pavarti
Summary: Jacob returns to Forks three days before the wedding. How far will he go to save Bella's life? Pairing: Bella/Jacob Rating: MA. Are you really surprised? Genre: Drama/Romance
1. Chapter 1

**This Skin I'm In**

_The lone wolf ran through the wilderness. So far from the land he called his own; he no longer heard his brothers or sister. Was he too far away for their voices to reach him or had he finally left his humanity too far behind?_

_Wolves live by instinct. He hunted, killed, fucked and slept as nature dictated. What he wanted, he took. When he came upon a bitch in heat, he mounted her, dominating the female with his Alpha status and if necessary, his massive body. Then he moved on, sexually sated and hungry for food, never interested in more than the needs of the moment. He lived as an animal. But always in the back of his mind was a spark of the man he had been, the man who still wanted something outside of his reach. Bella._

_When the longing overtook him, hurling him beyond rational thought, he would push his monstrous paws into the ground and run. For days, he would beat his body against the earth and forest, desperate to live only in the moment, to feel only the skin he was in._

_The sun rose earlier each day, and the cold crust of ice no longer appeared in his fur at daybreak. It was almost time._

Bella stood at her window, looking out into the dark forest. Within its depths roamed her saviors, her captors, her future and her past. It was all the same now anyway, she wouldn't remember any of this soon.

Her wedding was only a few days away and in typical fashion, her mother hadn't arrived yet. Bella wanted some time with her, to soak up all the parenting she could. Her life had mostly been devoid of anyone taking care of her. It was one of the many things about Edward she loved, he always put her first.

Bella sighed and sat in the old rocking chair by her window. He wasn't there tonight; she'd told him she needed a night alone. As much as she adored his watchful presence when she slept, sometimes it was nice to be alone. Wearing the grubby old sweats that passed as pajamas and pulling her hair up into a ponytail, she watched the darkness, confident he was out there somewhere.

Sleep seduced her, pulling her into a soft comfort. Beyond the tree line, a wolf howled. Bella smiled. It wasn't Jacob, it'd never be Jacob again, but the sound of the wolves reminded her of a time when he'd loved her and she was happy. She wished for one more day with him, one last chance to say goodbye the way he deserved. But maybe it was better this way. She didn't know where he was and he didn't have to suffer, watching her marry another.

Another howl, nearer to the house, jolted her from her thoughts. The wolves never came this close. She stood and examined the yard below, searching for movement in the darkness. Then she saw it, him, Jacob…

Emerging from the tree line was a great red wolf. He was thinner than when he left and his hair was matted with mud (she hoped).

Bella's mind went blank. _Jacob was back!_ She had denied how much she missed him, how the hole in her heart had ripped open and bled, leaving her cold without him. Bella bolted down the stairs, glad her father wasn't home to hear her graceless descent. She ran, desperate to get to him. _Jacob was back!_

She threw open her back door. The night air surrounded her, beckoning her out into the open. He had come home! He had returned to her and all she could think about was being in his arms and finally being warm again. He would pull her in tight, his strong arms crushing her against his chest and the slow leaking of her soul would stop. He would put her back together again, just like he did before, and they would be happy.

The fact that she was engaged to another man, committed to a wedding only a few days later, didn't enter her mind. Jacob's anger and hurt didn't occur to her. All she could see was hope in the shape of a wolf.

She ran to the trees, to the spot where she had glimpsed his shape from the window, but he wasn't there. He was too large to hide from her, she was sure she would find him. But the wolf didn't trust the scent of death and sickly sweet caresses lingering on her flesh.

"Jacob?" she called out, hope and fear wrestling within her. "I saw you, I know you're there. Jacob please!"

She called him by his human name, her heart yearning for his sunny nature. Instead of a man, a beast replied. He stepped out of the darkness silently, his long snout turned down to the ground.

"Jacob?" Bella reached out a hand, hoping to stroke his fur the way she had so many months earlier, but he jerked back, out of reach. "Phase back Jake, so we can talk."

He snorted and brought his face closer to hers, leaning down to her height so his large eyes were lined up with hers and his shoulders loomed above them. "Jake?" She placed a hand on his muzzle, but instead of nuzzling into her touch, the beast roared.

Bella stumbled backward, terrified by the animal before her for the first time. Tripping on a branch she fell to the ground and lay prone before him. He stepped forward, menacing in his bulk. Looking down at her, he snarled and snorted again, shaking his head. Jake was in there, she knew it was him, there weren't any other giant red wolves roaming the forests of Washington State.

"Jacob, it's me, Bella. Do you remember? You're at my house. You came here. Please, lets talk. I'm so sorry about what I said, how we left things. I never meant for Edward…"

When she said her fiancé's name the wolf's eyes lost all glimmer of humanity. He shook, anger and heat coiling around his heart.

Jacob lunged.

Bella screamed.

The wolf was in charge.


	2. Chapter 2

Bella hung limp in the wolf's mouth. She'd fainted when he'd lunged, completely unprepared for the attack. But the man had wrestled for control and stopped before harming her. Now she dangled as he trotted through the forest, careful not to hurt her with his sharp teeth.

The other wolves hadn't sensed him when he'd entered Forks, his link to their minds severed, and the little pixie Vampire couldn't see him with her invasive mind control. He was an empty space, a black spot, a void, and now Bella was with him. No one would find them.

She moaned but he ignored the sound. She wasn't injured, but for a few small scrapes his teeth had left on her flesh as she jostled in his hold. Nothing that wouldn't heal. Running as quickly as he dared, he jumped over felled trees, creeks and anything else in his way. He ran until her whimpers became screams, until her soft protests escalated into sharp fists in his eye. He considered ignoring them, like mosquitoes, nothing more than an irritant, but the man within softened at her tears.

"Let me down! What are you doing?" Bella screamed when he slowed. It was bright, the noonday sun cresting in the sky. At the edge of a stream the wolf stopped, lowering his head to open his jaw and set the girl down on the warm grass. Blood seeped through her pajamas where his teeth had punctured her skin.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" She stood and backed away. "You kidnapped me? What is going on in your stupid dog brain?"

The wolf growled. He was saving her! How dare she be ungrateful! How dare she stand as if to dominate him, her head held high, her voice indignant. With two long strides, he closed the distance between them and used his head to push her to the side, knocking her off balance. Sprawled out on the ground before him, the wolf was satisfied. Yes, this was better.

"What are you _doing_!" She attempted to get up, but the wolf set his great paw upon her chest and held her in place with a growl.

"Jake?" Her voice shook with fear, anger replaced with trepidation.

Lowering his head, the wolf licked her arm where the blood still seeped, caring for her while holding her down. He dominated and loved with the same ferocity. She was his after all.

Bella shook as the beast to cleaned her wounds. She fought the pressure against her chest, pinning her to the ground to no avail. When she calmed and the wolf was confident she was cared for and knew her place, he released her and stepped back. With a flick of his head, he gestured for her to climb on his back and knelt down.

"You really think I'm going to get on your back now? You're out of your mind Jacob. I'm going home." Her voice was smaller than before, her confidence waning.

The wolf snorted and narrowed his eyes, expecting her compliance. The stream was too wide for him to cross with her in his mouth safely, but he would do it before allowing her to leave him and return to certain death.

Bella turned her back on the wolf, taking in her surroundings. He waited. There was nowhere for her to go. They were far in the backcountry of Washington State, near the Canadian border. To leave him would be certain death, it was cold up here for a human, even in the summer, and Bella had never had a good sense of direction. She stepped toward where they came from, as if she could just follow a path and be home. The wolf growled.

Three more tentative steps took Bella further away from her kidnapper. Darkness spanned before her. The thick forest offered freedom from whatever had become of Jacob, but little else. She turned back once more, taking in the large brown eyes of her best friend. The wolf snorted and tilted his head.

Patience was not something the wolf possessed in abundance. The longer Bella made him wait, the more agitated he became. She would go with him. She would live. He would make sure of it, regardless of what he had to do. He swallowed the instinct to pounce, giving her time to come back to him. All he wanted was for her to return to him with open arms and a willing heart.

She turned around, and the wolf sighed.

"What happened to you?" Was all she said before stepping away, into the forest.

_No!_He would not lose her! How could she choose the unknown forest over him. Everything, everyone mattered more than he did. His young heart broke again, deeper this time, giving the wolf an opportunity to act without humanity's restriction.

A growl broke through the silence of the forest, forcing all other animals to still. Nothing wanted to be the great predator's prey. Bella ran. She ran from him and he gave chase. Without thought, he bounded over rocks and trees until he cut her off, appearing in her path. He roared and she stumbled away. Bella's eyes darted back and forth, there was no path, no distant scent of campfire to lead her to safety, no landmarks for her to follow.

The wolf stalked forward, low and menacing. She had tried to leave him. He saved her and she dared leave him! Nipping at the air between them, the wolf herded her back to the water's edge. He lay down and gestured again to his back, threatening eyes trained on her movements.

"Jake what the hell is going on with you! You're acting like a wild animal! You can't do this, you can't just threaten me when you don't get what you want. Phase back!" Her face was red as she yelled.

He shrugged his shoulders.

"Where do you intend to take me?"

No response.

"I need to go home! Jake you can't just kidnap me! My father will be worried. This is insane!"

No response.

"Please, will you take me home?" Bella's voice was softer and she stepped toward him.

The wolf narrowed his eyes, tightening his focus on her and growled. He gestured to his back again.

"You're scaring me. Is that what you want? Do you want me to be scared? Do you want me to hate you? I missed you, I wanted to see you so badly before..." her voice trailed off and the wolf's mind was red with thoughts of vampires and death.

The growl in his throat was low and menacing, different from before. He would rather kill her himself then return her to those leeches. Nothing could make him take her back. Nothing would convince him! No matter how she cried, how she begged. He would never let that happen.

Bella's eyes widened and she stepped back, closer to the water's edge. The wolf slinked closer, never rising to his full height, his menacing approach deadly. Her bare feet were in the water when she stopped, shivering. He came to lay before her, the rumbling growl rising in intensity. He flicked his head to his back and rolled his shoulders.

This time, she stepped toward him and placed shaking fingers on his hide.

"Fine. You win!"

She climbed on his back and the wolf took off, over the stream and through the forest. Bella clung to his fur in terror as the wolf ran in triumph.

* * *

The wolf slowed when he approached the cabin. He'd run all day and far into the night. Bella had fallen off him a few times, but nothing broke, just a few bruises and scrapes. He didn't have time for her injuries if they weren't serious, he had to get her somewhere safe.

Jacob had spotted this place a few weeks ago, high in the Canadian Wilderness.A few hikers wandered up this way, but for the most part it was deserted. There was also a small town only a short sprint away. He'd noted it as a good place to hole up if he ever wanted to be in human form again. It was the perfect place to protect Bella.

He strolled to the steps of the run down house and shrugged Bella off. She was weak from lack of sleep and fear, but her constitution would recover. What she really needed was food. He stepped away from her and nodded before trotting off to hunt.

"Wait!" she shrieked, running after him on wobbly legs. "You can't just leave me here!" Her wail was desperate and terror was evident in her eyes at being left in these unknown woods.

The wolf snorted and nodded, coming back to the cabin's porch. He sat on the ground, next to what was likely an abandoned garden. An overgrown driveway led to an old dirt road. It hadn't been used for years. The faint scent of human he detected in the air came from a campsite well out of hearing range.

"Will you phase back now? I want to talk to you Jake."

The wolf ignored her. He didn't even know if he could phase back, or if he wanted to. Just the thought of returning to his human form and the deluge of emotions that would follow caused him pain. His confusion over the lingering complexities of his feelings for Bella was enough, he didn't need to add more to his overburdened heart.

"What are we doing here?" Bella sat on the porch steps and and let out a frustrated wail before dropping her head to her hands. "What do you want Jake? Why did you bring me all the way up here?"

He shrugged, not being able to speak made it so easy to let her questions drift past him. She was safe, she was away from those leeches and with him, the way she was supposed to be. That was enough for him. Although tired from the run, he was content in the early morning sun that shone through the trees.

"I hate you! You bastard!" she screamed, standing and rushing him with fists raised. She yelled and beat his side until her voice was raw. He sat and took it all. Her anger was nothing he couldn't take. It was her death he wouldn't survive.

When the fight drained out of her, and her tears were spent, she slumped against him, hiding her face in his fur.

She dropped to the ground, desperate and exhausted. The wolf lay next to her so she nestled against his side.

"Go away," the exhausted girl protested, but he ignored her. Curling in on himself, he brought his head and tail around to cradle her hiccuping form. Spent and warm, Bella fell asleep against the wolf and for the first time in months, he was happy.

* * *

The air was chilly when Bella woke up. Her breath fanned out before her like mist but she was comfortably warm. For a moment, the knowledge that it was Jacob beside her made her elated, until she opened her eyes and remembered where she was.

The last day came rushing back, Jacob coming home only to attack her and bring her out here. He was out of his mind. That's all she could figure. She knew he'd loved her and she loved him too, she couldn't deny it after their kiss on the mountain, but the Jake she knew would never do this to her.

Her stomach growled and she shifted her weight from her aching hip. The ground was hard. The sun hung low in the sky, but she could still see clearly. The cabin was old, run down with cracks in the windows, but it looked secure. Was there any heat? Electricity? Was there even plumbing? Great, now she had to pee.

Disentangling herself from the wolf's tail and paw was easier than expected. As usual, Jacob was a deep sleeper. She crept away from him and into the trees to relieve herself. The purr of the wolf's snore reverberated through the air, reminding her just how alone she was. She was still in her pajamas and they were muddy and ripped. Her hands ached from hitting the wolf, the fingers were difficult to bend, the joints swollen and sore. Her thighs hurt from riding on his back, yesterday. She was lost and alone and stuck out in the middle of nowhere with a deranged werewolf who wouldn't talk to her!

She just had to play along until Edward found her, or her dad, or Sam. Someone was sure to come after her when she wasn't at the house... or at her wedding. God the wedding!

She shivered, the cold reaching up from the ground to her bare feet, sucking the warmth out of her. Briefly, she considered snuggling back up with the wolf. Shaking her head, she swore at herself inwardly.

With that, she walked back to the cabin, not trying to be quiet. Who cared if he woke up, it wasn't like he was some precious puppy. Inside the cabin was dark, and as she'd feared there was no working electricity or plumbing. There also wasn't any food. Her stomach growled almost as loudly as the wolf still snoring out the front door.

The cabin was only one room, open and large with oversized furniture. There was a bed, but most of the stuffing had been pulled out by some animal, and while the kitchen appeared functional, without electricity or gas it didn't help her much. At least it was warmer in here. She explored the cabinets and dresser drawers until she found long underwear, socks and a dress. The clothes were still in good shape, protected from the ravages of time and rodents by the sturdy furniture.

Outside, the wolf stirred. She went out to confront him, with an upsetting mix of emotions. She was lonely and tired, scared and hungry, and he was the only one who could help her. But he was also the one who'd put her in this position. She hated him, but still, somewhere in the back of her heart, she loved him.

He was standing when she stepped out of the cabin. He snorted after appraising her appearance and took a few steps back.

"I'm fine, no thanks to you." Bella crossed her arms over her chest.

The wolf snorted and sat before her.

"Are you going to phase back now?" _pause_"No? Fine, you know what, I don't even care anymore. I don't want to talk to you and I don't want to be here with you."

The wolf shrugged.

"What I do want is food. Do you think you can do that? And I don't mean raw squirrel or whatever you've been eating." She took in his appearance, his hair was knotted and while his coat had remained thick, she could see his ribs jutting out below his chest.

Grudgingly softened, she stepped forward and reached out to touch his face. The same gesture as when he'd first appeared in her yard, but this time he lowered his head and whimpered. "Jacob... What have you done to yourself?" He pushed his head against her chest and his body rumbled. Could wolves cry?

She wanted to fix everything that was broken, she wanted to heal him the way she hadn't when he'd been hurt in the fight with Victoria. She wanted to cling to him and bury her head into his fur. Before she lost herself in him, she pulled back, taking her love away, again.

"Go get us something to eat." She commanded before turning her back on him and heading into the house. Bella closed the door without looking back, but when she peered out the window, he was already gone.

Too tired to worry about if he would come back, she sunk to the floor and closed her eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

She was asleep again. She needed food. She would grow weak and tired and fade away from him, and so he hunted. The campfire he'd smelled that morning burnt bright, the humans huddled around its heat dressed in thick clothes meant for winter. Not here. Even though it was late summer, here it still got cold.

The wolf watched while they re-heated a rotisserie chicken over a grated stovetop and pulled a pre-made salad from a bag. They hadn't been out here long, not yet willing to eat beans straight from the can. A part of him longed for civilization, his stomach growled at the scent of cooked food, spices, the comforts of home.

He backed away silently and set to hunt while waiting for the campers to fall asleep.

A coyote scurried through the underbrush and the wolf gave chase; it was an easy kill. The brown animal was no challenge. What he needed was a muskox or caribou. But the coyote would suffice while he waited. Pulling apart the gangly animal with his front teeth, the wolf lapped at it's insides, drinking the blood that pooled beneath his kill before pulling out the entrails and organs, consuming it all in a matter of minutes.

His hunger somewhat satisfied, the wolf paced, waiting. He did not like it. He was designed to hunt, to track, to take. But he wouldn't kill humans and if he charged them and they ran, he didn't think he'd be able to stop himself. So the powerful predator waited, and stewed.

Eventually sleep overcame the campers and the wolf approached the campground. They'd swept up the embers of the fire and hung their supplies in a tree outside their camping area. There was no food left to scavenge. The wolf stared at the blue bag hanging above him. It was too high for him to reach by jumping without taking a running leap, and that would surely wake the campers.

There was only one way he was going to get that bag, and Bella needed food. He'd brought her out here with no supplies and nothing to eat for almost 2 days now. If it weren't for the ready supply of clean water from streams and creeks, she'd be in even worse shape.

And so with deep breath and steely courage, hardened by his love for the girl, the wolf relinquished his form.

Fire split his bones, cracking and breaking each molecule. It was as if he'd never phased before, the pain of transformation as fresh as the first time. He bit back his screams, not daring to wake the campers. This would all be for nothing if he didn't even get the food! A pain so furious it knocked him to his knees shot through him. The hard bones of the wolf shattered and reformed, binding together to create the shape of a man.

Jacob lay on the forest floor delirious with pain. As his body reconfigured the effects of his transformation flooded his mind. All the things he'd done! He was a beast, an animal. He didn't deserve to be human again. No human would have killed without remorse the way he had. His body was covered in mud, grime and sweat. Blood streaked his face and chest. He'd eaten a coyote. A coyote! He'd eaten animals for food and fun. What kind of man was he? The events of the last few months rushed through him until the image of Bella standing in her backyard crashed against him.

What had he done?

He stood shakily, his muscles unused to bipedal movement. Two steps forward and Jacob fell to his knees. _Don't think, don't remember, just take care of Bella. _He willed himself to have the mind of the wolf, but it was too hard, he'd lost himself in the animal and now he was faced with what he'd done through the lens of a man.

He looked down, the nails on his hands were ragged, the ones that remained. Most had been ripped off. Blood crusted over his fingertips. Was it his or the coyote's, or from something else? He couldn't remember anymore, his life as a wolf blurred behind him.

For Bella he stood and forced his body to move. For Bella he pushed his shoulders back and took on the stature of a man. For Bella he had done all of this.

By the time he reached the tree with the bag of food he had regained control of his body. His mind still whirled with images and thoughts he couldn't understand. One moment he was the wolf, the next a man. Jacob took in the tree and position of the bag. He set to climbing the trunk, digging his fingers into the bark, forgetting he no longer had claws. His flesh ripped as he pulled himself up, but he didn't care.

Pulling himself out on the branch which held the bag, Jacob thought for one terrifying moment of what would happen to Bella if he fell. If something happened to him, she would be alone, no food, no way home. His vow to keep her safe doubled.

He reached the bag and unwrapped the cord tying it in place. Deftly, he jumped to the ground, bag slung over his shoulder. Naked and victorious, he ran back to the cabin. The trail was lost, but Jacob knew the way. No matter where he was, he always knew the way back to Bella. Her scent, her soul, it was his.

Jacob shook his head. She wasn't his, she wasn't something to be claimed. That was the thinking of the wolf, the thinking that ended him up here. But they were together and she was safe. The wolf couldn't have been all wrong.

He longed to have his thoughts slow and his reasons simplified. To be the wolf again was seductive, but the pain of his transformation still radiated in his bones. If he phased again, he didn't know if he'd get back to the cabin soon enough. And so he ran. He slammed his feet against the forest floor, rocks and sticks slicing at the bottom of his feet. His soft soles suffered where the tough paw pads would have been fine.

At the cabin, he could hear Bella's soft breathing. She was asleep. Jacob didn't want her to see him like this. He'd become something monstrous, something so unlike who he thought he was. Guilt over Bella, his father, his pack, threatened to crush him. The pain in his chest was raw and ripe, it was putrid, like his heart. Nothing he'd ever done was enough. How could he have ever thought Bella could love him?

He crept to the front door and pushed it open. Bella lay on the floor, crumpled and disheveled. She was perfect. Jacob longed to touch her, to reach out with his hand and feel her against his skin. He dropped the bag on the floor. Crouching down, he watched her. She smelled like the rain, so pure and even, the lingering scent of her shampoo made it distinctly Bella.

The wolf within him purred with satisfaction. She was here, she was safe, she was his. He watched as she breathed, her delicate chest raising up and down, the slope of her breasts, even beneath the heavy fabric she wore, ignited his passion. Jacob's eyes trailed down the length of her body, taking in the curve of her hip, the thin delicate ankles, her flushed cheeks.

His body responded and he reached out to touch her. His fingers glanced across her cheek. As he studied her, his arousal grew until a familiar pulsing rang through his body. She was his, he would have her.

_No!_

Jacob pulled his hand back. He wasn't an animal! The instinct to take, possess, dominate warred with his human morality. His mind was in a turmoil over what he'd considered. Falling back, he crashed to the floor.

"Jake?" Bella's soft voice spoke into the darkness.

"Jake, are you alright?" She sat up and approached him tentatively. She hung back, not reaching for him, but pleading with her voice.

"No," he croaked, long unused vocal cords strained against the sound.

"What happened? Why are you here? You phased!" Bella stood and looked around her.

"Oh my god, is this food?" She opened the blue bag and pulled out the supplies, her friend forgotten in her hunger. One by one she removed the cans of food until she came to the remains of the camper's dinner. She sat, not looking at Jacob and stuffed the chicken into her mouth, barely bothering to remove it from the bone.

Jacob watched. Seeing her eat gave him joy. He was engrossed by the movement of her mouth as she sucked on her fingers and chewed on the bones. His night vision allowed him perfect access to her every expression. Her ecstasy over the chicken ignited his passion again. As much as he hated himself for it, his desire for her to be his was undeniable.

"Mmm this is so good," she murmured, setting Jake's skin on fire.

He pulled himself up and crawled toward her. Unconcerned with his nudity, he settled close to her side, watching her chew. He brought his nose to her shoulder and inhaled, breathing in the perfection that was Bella. His lip curled in animalistic delight.

"Are you hungry?" she asked, not pausing in her consumption. After ripping off the top of a bottle of water, Bella drank it in two gulps. Jacob was happy watching her. She had slept, she was fed. He was taking care of her and she was safe. His own hunger was nothing to him, watching her was enough to satisfy his need.

Still, she didn't look at him, just continued to eat. She moved on from the chicken to a fruit bar and chocolate squares. While she was distracted he pulled closer to her, wrapping himself behind her. He wound one arm around her waist to pull her close against him, to feel her warmth against his body. The wolf wanted to rut, to rub his nose all over her body, fill her with his scent.

"What the hell Jake?" She pulled away and turned to him, taking in his nude frame for the first time. The moon shone and her eyes had adjusted to the dark. At first, worry flashed across her face, taking in his emaciated frame and blood stained skin. But when her eyes dropped and she saw his erection, she stood.

"I... Is _that _why you brought me here? Is that what all this is about?" Fury burned in her eyes and for a moment Jacob was cowed. He lowered his head, human shame filling his heart.

"You abduct me in the middle of the night, terrify me and bring me here to freeze and practically starve to death and now you're snuggling up to me naked... with _that!"_ She stepped away, her hands balled up into fists. "What did you think? You were going to bring me up here and I'd just forget I'm getting married? I told you Jake! I told you - this - you and I, it can't ever happen."

At the mention of her wedding Jacob's shame was snuffed leaving him with anger and pain. Her beloved leech, her dead lover, that's all that mattered to her. He stood, legs still unsure. He towered over her, having grown again after leaving and becoming Alpha of his own one-man pack. Grinding his teeth he glared at her through his now shoulder length hair, trying to find words, something vaguely human to express what was so clear to him. She would not die.

"You're safe here," he growled, forcing the words past his cracked, dry lips.

"I was safe there." Bella's protest rang out in the night, but there was no one nearby to hear it. "They'll find me. You know they will. Edward will never let me go!"

Jacob roared, the sound of that bloodsucker's name passing her lips, when he had rescued her, protected her, provided for her! He sprang forward, grabbing her upper arms and rushing to back her up against the wall.

"Jake!" she screamed, her cheeks flushed. For the first time it felt like she was really seeing him, like he'd gotten all the way through to her and now there finally was no one else in the room with them.

Desperate for her to _see_ him, he shook her before slamming his lips down on hers.

"Jake, no!" Bella panted, turning her head to the side. He gripped her tighter and bent his knees so he could bury his face in her neck. Instead of kissing her, he dragged his nose and lips along her flesh smashing his face against her skin.

"Please Jake," she shook in his grip as he continued to smell her, not answering her whimpering plea. He released her, only to force her head the other direction so he could take in his fill of her. His hands dropped to her hips and with a powerful tug he pulled her against him. His erection throbbed and rational thought had no place in his lust-filled mind.

"Please, don't hurt me."

He froze. The wolf raged at her words. Hurt her? He would never...

He dropped his hands, backing away, realizing what he'd almost done. Was he capable of such a thing? He never thought it was possible but looking at his best friend, the love of his life, shaking and afraid, maybe he could. The horror of his existence shone in her eyes. He'd come to her in human form, but all the more animal.

"I'm... I'm sorry." His voice shook with tears unshed. He ran back outside and relished the pain of phasing back into the wolf. It was less than he deserved.


	4. Chapter 4

**A HUGE thank you to my beloved BETAs YNotJacob and Shawnie_F for keeping up with my crazy writing schedule :) I love you girls!**

* * *

Bella reeled.

Jacob had brought her food. He'd come back and for a short moment, it had been like it always was. She forgot about everything except her hunger and having him near. And then...

What happened to him? How had Jacob gone from the boy who held her hand and the worst insult he could think of being to call Mike a 'marshmallow' to... to this...

It had to be the wolf.

She busied herself by picking up the contents of the blue bag. At some point in the night the water bottle she'd drank had been refilled and was sitting on the table. Jacob. He'd come back during the night to bring her water. She shook her head. Placing the cans of food on the table and what fresh food there was into cabinets so animals wouldn't eat it, she wondered, where had he gotten all of this food?

Bella's mind churned.

It was the wolf, she was sure of it. That stupid pack had ruined his life. He'd never had a temper until he phased and since then, he could be volatile sure, but she'd never feared he would hurt her before. Maybe Edward had been right all along, maybe it was dangerous to be friends with a werewolf. To anyone else that conclusion would be obvious, but to Bella, whose world was full of insanity, it struck her across the face and took her breath away.

A part of her had always assumed Jacob would come around. They would be friends again and he would find a way to accept who she became when she married Edward. She'd been deluding herself. It just wasn't possible for him to let her go. The question niggling in the back of her mind was, did she want him to?

Sitting with him had been so easy. She knew she was a mess, hair all akimbo and clothes that didn't fit. But it didn't even occur to her to be self-conscious. Aside from the fact it was entirely his fault she looked like this, she knew he wouldn't care. He never expected anything from her, only ever asked for her to love him.

That was what she missed about him the most, that she could just laugh, just be herself. She didn't have to agree to some stupid overdone wedding to make him happy and didn't have to wear some gaudy ring to show how she felt. She gave herself a mental slap. Why was she defending him after everything he'd done? Why was she letting the doubt that lived in the back of her mind about Edward have a say?

Bella finished putting everything away and found herself with nothing to do. The sun was just waking, it's light warming the horizon to the East. She pushed the cabin door open and looked around. No Jacob.

Despite everything, she knew he wouldn't go far. Hopefully he was out running off whatever had come over him. She blushed at the memory of Jacob's body, muscled and hard. He wanted her in a way no one ever had. Not even Edward seemed tempted by her, despite all his insistence that he was. Warmth rushed her system at the memory of Jake's kiss. The one from the mountain blurred with his passion from the night before. There was no doubt about how he felt.

_Stupid misguided mutt_ she thought, stepping out of the cabin. She closed the door behind her, out of habit more than any real need. The forest was noisy, not the quiet expected in such a remote location. Instead the air was alive with life. Birds and insects danced in the sky while animals went about getting up or settling in to sleep away the day.

Bella wandered behind the cabin. She had nothing to do. There was no one else out here in the wilderness with her except Jake, who she wasn't sure she wanted to see yet. He was taller than she remembered, but he'd lost weight. The part of her in love with him wished she could cook for him. The part of her who still had some pride bristled at the thought.

Taking care of the person who kidnapped you was nuts. What was this? Stockholm Syndrome? But it wasn't. She'd always wanted to take care of him, to protect him from hurt. That's why she still resented the pack. They'd taken him away, his sweet sunny disposition, his innocence. Now it seemed like he'd lost the battle against turning into a monster. It was the thing he'd feared the most when he first phased, and now...

There was a time, not that long ago, when she'd been willing to run away with him. To forget Edward and the Cullens forever, just to bring Jacob's smile back. Perhaps he was too lost to the animal now, maybe she'd never get him back. Bella walked into the forest as the thought of never seeing Jacob smile again settled around her heart. It weighed her down with a sadness she hadn't known since she'd seen him that day in his room, since she'd said goodbye.

All this time, she'd been waiting, assuming he would come back. How could she get married without him there? She'd told herself that wasn't why she'd been dragging her feet. The wedding was more than she wanted, more attention. Agreeing to it was another piece of herself she gave up to be with Edward. Not having Jake there, when she thought about it, broke her heart a little more.

Now she was going to miss her own wedding. It struck her that she really didn't care. Why was that? It was her wedding day, it should be something she dreamt about, but all she felt was the sickening feeling of disappointment that she didn't. She knew her dad would be worried sick, and that Edward would be furious when he picked up Jake's scent behind her house. But missing the wedding, she was actually fine with that. Wasn't she supposed to be looking forward to her wedding day?

The doubts she harbored about her relationship with Edward, the nature of his desire to protect her, rose to the surface. Was it really love he felt for her or was it some need to control? They never listened to her, the Cullens. Instead they made her decisions for her: from what to eat, to what to wear, and even how she should lose her virginity. Even who she was allowed to be friends with. Everything was controlled and sanitized and provided for her before she even had a chance to decide what she wanted

Bella was further into the woods than she realized, lost in thought, but the path back to the house was still clear so she didn't worry. Farther ahead, a creek streamed by, splashing over rocks. _This must be where Jake got me water._

She followed the sound, delighted to have found some way to take care of herself. It was cold in the morning sun so she didn't dare take off her clothes, but she splashed the cool water over her face and ran her hands through her hair. Then she filled her mouth and swished it around, wishing she had a toothbrush.

"Don't fall in," Jake's teasing voice came from behind her. When she turned, he was wearing clean clothes and had a backpack over one shoulder. His face and arms were still covered in mud and blood, but he looked better than she probably did.

"Where'd you come from?" Bella asked, trying to mask her surprise.

"It's possible I may have found a campsite that had clean clothes and some matches." He smirked and tossed the bag in her direction. It landed softly at her feet.

"Did you steal this stuff?"

"I didn't hurt anyone if that's what you mean," his face hardened. Was he insulted or did he just not like how possible she obviously thought that was?

"Thanks," Bella shrugged and picked up the bag. She wanted to head back to the house, but would mean having to go past him to get there. The idea of being close to him terrified her. He seemed to be in better control of himself, but what did she know. Is a wolf in a man suit better or worse than a man dressed as a wolf?

Awkward silence filled the peaceful scene. Even the animals quieted down. She couldn't blame them, she didn't want to be here either. She wanted to hide from his eyes. They bore down at her, not looking away. Her stockinged feet shuffled.

"Alright then." Jacob turned to walk away.

"Where are you going?" It surprised her how desperately she wanted him to stay. She didn't want to be alone out here, but she knew he wouldn't abandon her. It was him she wanted though, to talk to him, to see that smile.

"Back to the house to start a fire. I thought you would want to change."

His casual response infuriated her, and just as quickly as she'd wanted him to stay, she wished he'd leave. "What do you think this is Jake? A vacation?"

"No I... fuck... Nevermind..." He ran his hand through his greasy chin length hair.

"I'm not going to just play house with you out here. You have to take me home."

"No."

"No? NO? What..."

"No, I'm not taking you home. I'm not... I'm not going to let you kill yourself. I don't care if you hate me, I'm not letting it happen. If you asked me for anything else, I'd find a way to make it happen. But I'm not going to watch you die." It was the most he'd spoken yet, and although there was fire behind his words he remained calm, only his eyes betrayed how deadly serious he was.

"I'm not going to die, Jake."

"I'm done talking about it, you don't get it. I don't know why, but you're brainwashed or something and you don't understand what they are." He glanced up, desperation written on his face. "I can handle you hating me. I can't handle losing you completely. I won't survive it."

"Jake..." Bella's frustration melted at the earnest look in his eye.

"I'll make a fire, let's get something to eat."

He retreated into the forest as she watched. He kept saying the same thing, insisting that she was going to die. It didn't make sense. Why couldn't he see the Cullens weren't dead? But even as she complained to herself him being so stubborn, she couldn't help but compare Edward's stone lips to the fire that burned against her whenever Jake came near. When she would lay her head on his chest, the strong heartbeat lulled her into a contented sleep she never found in Edward's arms.

But when she was changed, these things wouldn't matter. She just had to play along, make the best of things until Edward found her. He would come, he'd never let her go. She held that thought tight and pushed away the strangling feeling that followed as she walked back to the cabin. She clung to the idea of Edward as her heart pulled her closer to Jacob.

At the cabin, Jake waited outside while Bella changed her clothes. Jeans, a long sleeve shirt, a fleece pullover and hiking boots. She wished for a shower and tooth brush, but the rubber band in her hair had survived the trip so she could pull her hair back in a tight knot.

He waited a few steps back from the door when she invited him back inside. Their eyes didn't meet and a tension hung in the air. He had kidnapped her and kissed her, knowing full well she was to marry another in just two more days. She couldn't sort through how angry she was with how much she wanted to pull him to her and tell him everything would be alright. She was the victim! But somehow, he was the one in need of rescuing.

They sat on the floor next to the fire, eating hunks of bread smeared with cheese and slices of pepperoni. It was the best thing she'd ever tasted.

"This is good." Bella passed him one of the the water bottles.

He drank it down in one swig, not speaking. Table manners were something that had gone the way of basic hygiene. Eating with bloody, muddy hands, Jake stuffed half the loaf of bread into his mouth before she'd finished her first bite.

"Sorry," crumbs fell from his mouth as he spoke.

"How long has it been since you ate with your hands?" Bella teased, curious about the last few months.

"Since I left. Since I got your invitation..."

"Oh. You know I didn't want Edward to send you-"

He cut her off, unable to listen to her excuses. "It doesn't matter. I would have found out one way or another."

"Why'd you leave?"

He looked at her, incredulous. His eyebrows shot up and she shrank back, expecting fury. "The same reason I came back," his explanation was calm. "I couldn't watch you die."

"Jake, I'm not going to die!" she protested, but it felt hollow, even to her.

"You are. You won't be Bella anymore. I can't - I can't just sit by and let that happen."

"You don't get to decide that." She stared at him, trying to impress herself on him. This wasn't his life. It was hers.

"Clearly I do." He stood and shook the crumbs off his lap. "I told you, I didn't want to talk about this. It's done. You're here and I'm not taking you back."

Bella cried out in frustration, "And what lets you think you get to make that decision?" She stood up to match him, facing off against the oversized possessive werewolf. Probably not the smartest thing she'd ever done.

Jacob took a deep breath and steadied his hands against his thighs. "I'm not a good person, Bella, I get that. I'm not what you want and I'm barely able to manage being inside let alone be the man you deserve. But no matter what else I do with my life, I will keep you safe. You are everything. You are... you're fucking everything!" Tears tipped over the corners of his eyes as he spoke.

"You are good Jake," she insisted, rushing to him, taking his ragged face in her hands. His hair hung around his cheeks, framing him in darkness as he looked down at her. The love she kept locked away broke free. No matter what he'd done, she loved him, she would always love him.

"I'm not. Good men don't do what I've done."

"What have you done?"

He shook his head, his hair clinging to his skin.

Leading him to the careworn couch, Bella ushered him to sit. She retrieved her pajama shirt and a bottle of water from the floor and came to sit beside him.

"There's a good person in you. We just have to find him." She wet the fabric and smoothed it across his forehead. The months of wildness had changed him, sloughing away the guise of a boy to make room for the leanness of a man. With strategic care she removed layer after layer of pain, revealing the boy she loved beneath. When his face was clean, she began cleaning his neck, reaching around to wash beneath his hair.

"I like your hair long".

Jacob closed his eyes and leaned into her touch. Watching him, he looked so much like the boy who'd held her hand, the boy she'd fallen in love with.

With tenderness, Bella pulled his arm out and set his hand on her lap, washing his arm. She traced the muscles of his bicep, wiping along the long lines of his strength. Slipping her hand up under the sleeve of his shirt, she cleaned his upper arm and shoulder. His bones protruded, muscles pulled taunt across sinewy flesh. Taking his hand in her own she bathed his toughened skin, slowly washing between each finger and over his torn nails.

When she finished the second arm he remained silent, eyes closed, waiting. After all she'd done, he still trusted her. He relinquished control, sitting vulnerable before her, always waiting.

She didn't mean to do it, didn't even know she was going to until her hand was against his cheek. His breath caught and, eyes still closed, he relaxed into her.

"It's going to be okay Jake," she soothed, rubbing her thumb across his cheek, until he opened his eyes and met hers.

"It will now. Now that you're here."

"I did miss you," she admitted, removing her hand reluctantly.

He nodded, taking her now free hand between his own. Tears fell; she thought they were his, but couldn't be sure. "I'm sorry, Bella. I know, I know you can't love me. Some part of me knows I shouldn't be doing this, but I just... I just can't..."

Running the fingers of her free hand through his hair, Bella brought her forehead to his. They sat, hand in hand, head to head, in silent understanding. They'd both lost so much, the life they should have had together, the dreams they could have lived. The pain of it was tangible and their tears mingled over what could have been.

"Tomorrow, I'll take you to town so you can call Charlie," Jake whispered, before pulling away with a weak smile. "He'll shoot me if you don't at least let him know you're alive."

"Thank you."

Bella was conflicted as she watched him pick up after their makeshift lunch. What did it mean to love someone with everything you are? Is it enough to protect what's yours or did real love mean letting someone go even if it kills you inside?


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N - I'm sorry for not responding to all your comments! I've been spending all my free time trying to get this chapter out to you guys. I love hearing from you, please keep them coming and I'll jump into the next chapter tonight!**

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Her touch vibrated through his nervous system. Her palm on his cheek, her fingers pressing against his muscles. He closed his eyes, absorbing the sensation, relishing each moment. Their whole relationship was him chasing her, him touching her, him caring for her. And now, in one sweet moment of ecstasy she tended to him.

Cool fingers grasped his hand and for a moment the world was right. It was just Jake and Bells, together finally. He let go into the fantasy as she dragged the wet cloth along his palm, soothing wounds so much deeper than a few missing fingernails. When the dirt that clung to him was gone, her touch lingered.

He wanted to give her the world. She made him want to be human, to be good. She made him want to subdue the beast within him. And the wolf wanted it too, he wanted to lie at her feet and do her bidding. Man and animal were content in her warmth.

He found himself promising to take her to call Charlie. He wanted to _do _something for her. Show her that he wasn't just a brute. He didn't want to control her but he had no other options. It was this or lose her forever. And like he said, he knew he wouldn't survive it. Maybe it was selfish to keep her alive just so he didn't have to suffer. He really didn't give a fuck.

Afraid of himself and what else he may give her, just for a moment of closeness, he pulled away.

After disentangling himself from her touch, he stood, unsure of his ability to move away. Jacob straightened up after their lunch, putting the uneaten food in a plastic bag and tying it before setting it in the cabinet. He ignored the deep brown eyes which followed his every movement. What did she see when she looked at him? A monster? A friend? A man? He didn't trust himself to ask.

Instead he found a tattered broom and swept the remains of their meal out the front door. With nothing left to do, he itched under her gaze. He needed to run or kill or tick his hands into the bowels of a well-worn engine, anything to keep his mind occupied. Later he would indulge in the fantasy of feeling her smooth hands against the rest of him, her fingers trailing along the contours of his chest...

"Jake?"

He looked up at her, startled out of his thoughts.

"Yeah Bells."

"Do you want to go for a walk?"

He exhaled, having expected another plea for him to take her home or some other addition to his list of ill deeds. "A walk sounds nice." He agreed with a smile.

As they walked, the boy slipped his hand easily into hers, wrapping his long fingers around hers. They were mismatched in size but somehow, they fit together naturally. He warmed when she didn't move away, that was the most he could ask for, he knew that.

Jacob finally blurted out the thing that had been on his mind all day. "Why do you want to go home?"

She sighed and he felt her pull away, emptiness replacing their contented togetherness. Shit, he shouldn't have said anything. Despite her withdrawal, her hand remained in his.

"I have to, Charlie is going to be apoplectic about me disappearing..."

"He'll understand when you tell him you're with me." Jake was confident Charlie would support what he'd done. The man didn't have all the information, but if he did, he'd be on Jake's side.

"What makes you think I'm not going to tell him that you brutally kidnapped me?" Bella stopped walking and looked at him. Despite the harsh words, her tone was soft.

"Because you won't want him to worry. You never want anyone to worry or be upset. Except me. For some reason you're more than willing to upset me."

"That's not fair."

"It's not?" he raised an eyebrow and she bit her lip. "So why else, why are you so desperate for me to take you back, I know it's not just your Dad."

"I don't want to upset you," she whispered, tiptoeing around his temper.

"I'll stay calm, and if I can't, I'll phase and run. I won't hurt you. I won't touch you again. Ever." He pulled his hand away, clenching it into a fist. He'd done this, he'd let the wolf turn him into something he hated and now the only person he'd ever loved was afraid of him. Self-hatred and guilt warred within him, each threatening to take over his soul.

"It's not that," she stepped toward him and he stepped away, not willing to be tempted into something she didn't want.

"What is it then?" His teeth were clamped together as he tried to keep his heart inside his chest. If she could only see that she didn't want to go home. That she wanted to stay with him.

"I have to Jake, there are things I can't tell you."

"Bullshit Bells. After all this? After you cliff diving and going to Italy, after that bitch-vamp Victoria, what could you possibly not tell me."

"They aren't my secrets to tell!" she wailed, her voice pitched in regret. He was at her side in an instant. What was she so afraid of?

"Is it Edward? Did he threaten you to make you marry him? Has he... has he hurt you?" Jake struggled to keep his voice soothing, and non-threatening, but deep inside the wolf raged at the suggestions he was making. His mind leapt to his worst nightmares, Bella being fed on, Bella being forced to do things she didn't want to, Bella with red eyes.

He would kill that leech and his whole fucking family if he'd hurt her. Red descended over his vision as he imaged ripping them to shreds, pulling them piece by piece and slowly lighting each part on fire. He'd make Edward watch, his decapitated head forced to witness Jacob's revenge.

"No, no," she gazed up at him, truth shining in her eyes. "He hasn't done anything like that. It's... You know how the pack has rules and you can't tell anyone about what you are?"

He nodded, listening.

"They have the same kind of rules but instead of Alpha orders and tradition, they have people who enforce those rules. In Italy..." She paused and took a shaky breath. "In Italy those people found out that I know about them. If I'm not changed, they'll kill me, and more than likely they'll kill Charlie and you and everyone I've ever loved!"

When the truth was out, Bella crumpled onto the forest floor, tears streaming down her face. "I have to Jake! Don't you see? If I don't marry Edward, if I don't become one of them I'll be responsible for so much death! I don't want to die but I don't want _you _to die!"

"Bells, Bells, shhhh, come on, honey", he soothed and sat next to her, his fingers inches from her. He longed to reach out, to pull her to him, but he'd promised and the next time they touched, it would be because she asked him to. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to, we'll figure this out. If that's the only reason you're doing this, please, don't. Let me find a way to deal with this. I'll protect you, we'll run away so no one can ever find us."

"That's not the only reason," she hiccuped.

"You love him." Jake's voice was even despite the turmoil he felt within.

She nodded.

"You love me too."

She nodded, "But I can't have you." Her voice was only a whisper but it stopped his heart. He felt like a million boulders had been placed directly on his chest.

"What are you talking about?" He recoiled, unable to believe what he was hearing. "What in the world would make you think you can't have me? I've spent every second of the last two years proving to you I'm in love with you. I fought for you, I almost died for you!"

"It doesn't matter! Don't you see? When you imprint..." The word hung between them. It was a vile, dirty word. It represented everything he didn't want, everything he didn't want to be. _That_ was what kept her from him?

"No." He shook his head trying to dislodge the thought, to force it away from his mind, and if possible from hers. "No!" He stood, pulling on his hair in frustration. How could this be what kept her from him? It was a curse, the wolf, everything he'd done, everything he felt, it broke him and took away his dreams, now it cost him the girl he loved.

"No, I won't let it happen, Bella, I'll stay up here for the rest of my life, never look at another woman, I'll rip my eyes out of their sockets if I have to. You are all I want!" He slammed his fist into the tree beside him, splitting it in half and sending it careening through the forest.

"There's nothing we can do Jake. It's not in our control. Don't you see? If I don't marry Edward, the people I love will die. You want to protect me from that, but you can't. Someday someone else will be more important to you, someone will take you away from me and I can't stand to think..."

"So you'd rather I go through it now, than you go through it later," he spit the words at her, angry. "Did it ever occur to you I won't imprint? Or that I can't?"

"You said the whole pack was imprinting."

"I'm not part of the pack anymore."

"What?"

"I left, I'm on my own."

"Is that even possible? What about Sam? Isn't he your Alpha?"

Her innocent question enraged the beast within, the wolf who had claimed his namesake and conquered the land he travelled. Without meaning to, Jake growled.

"I'm my own Alpha."

She nodded, words struck from her mouth as he towered above her, menace emanating from his being. Jake shuddered and attempted to reign the wolf in. She wasn't expected to know he was Alpha, there was no reason for him to be so upset. He turned away and began to pace, back and forth, from tree to tree, passing her as his mind whirled.

"Jake, you know it's not possible. If you're Alpha you're even more likely to..."

"No, there's a solution to this. We just have to find it." He stopped and rushed to her, staring into her eyes. "You never actually said you loved him, only when I asked about him, he wasn't on your list at all."

"What?" She blinked up at his hopeful face.

"I asked you why you wanted to go back, you didn't even say his name. You never said you love him."

"Jake..."

"But you love me." The idea that maybe he could have her, that it wasn't her heart keeping them apart was all the hope he needed. He would battle vampires, he would fight the imprint, but if she loved him he would always win.

"I love him too."

"I don't believe you. You would have said you wanted to go back for your wedding, or for him, but you didn't. Bella, can't you see it? You've put up this wall but it's not real, you don't have to be afraid of me." Jake's mind lit up with possibilities.

"I do, you'll imprint and I'll be bitter and angry and alone like Leah. I can't bear that. I can't let you in and then have to live without you." Her confession tumbled out of her mouth, things she'd never said before, truths never admitted to even herself tried to push him away, but he held tight.

"You won't, I promise."

"You can't control fate, Jake."

_Can't _was a word Jacob Black didn't like.

There had to be a way around this, something he could do, someone he could fight. Jake's mind spun as he flipped through everything he knew about imprinting. Sam and Emily, Quil and Claire, all of it had to do with the wolf. It was the pack, the pack was imprinting, the wolf, not the man!

"I'll stop phasing." He announced.

"What?" Bella froze, staring at his mouth, trying to understand the words he'd spoken.

"I'll stop, we'll walk to town and hitchhike back to Forks if you want. But if you choose me, I will never phase again."

"You can't do that, it's part of who you are!" She shooke her head, and reached out to him, one hand tempted to cross the space that separated them, before pulling back. "What about the pack? The vampires?"

"I haven't cared about the pack the whole time I was gone, I can live without them and they can defend La Push without me. I never signed up for any of this Bella, I never wanted it. I was the wolf for months; he has nothing to offer me but pain and anger. I told you I would do anything for you, and I will - anything."

"But the Volturi, they'll come."

"Then we'll fight them, and the pack will defend La Push and we'll make a stand, but at least we'll have until then to be together."

"Jake..."

"Or we'll run, just you and me, we'll go to Ecuador where the sun shines all the time and Vampires can't show their sparkly asses. We can go anywhere you want, Bella." He was pleading, now that he had a chance, now that he knew how she felt, he couldn't give up now. It wasn't good enough to keep her alive, he had to make her see she had choices.

"Please, let me show you, let me love you."

He stood before her, heart exposed, his love as transparent and vulnerable as humanly possible. He dared to let himself believe, even knowing the pain this love caused him over and over again. He laid it all out before her, and waited.

"You'd really stop phasing?" she breathed, setting her palm on his chest. His breath caught at the touch and his heart sped up.

"For you, yes."

"And that will mean you don't imprint?"

"I don't know, but I hope so. I'll never leave you, Bella. No matter what, we'll find a way.

"I'm so afraid Jake," she admitted, wrapping her arms around his broad chest and burrowing into his arms.

He breathed her in, inhaling her scent so it filled every empty space within him, completing him. "Me too, Bells." Jacob kissed her head and said a prayer to whatever gods had given him this gift. She was his destiny, not the wolf, not being Alpha. For him, this was everything he'd ever need.

Bella lifted her head and dragged her hands along his back and around to Jacob's chest. Rising to her toes, she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Okay," she breathed, lips millimeters from his.

"Okay what, Bells? I need you to say it. There's been too much we haven't said." Jacob placed his large hands on her hip bones, gently stroking the curve of her body. She shivered and took a deep breath.

"Okay, let's try, let's go home and you'll stop phasing and, and..."

"What?"

"I'll tell Edward I'm not going to marry him."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N - Sheesh - you guys have no faith in me - or Bella! Let's see if I can win you over :)**

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Bella closed her eyes after her promise and leaned closer, bringing them together. A kiss can be so many things. A moment in time, locked away forever. A promise. A goodbye. This kiss was none of those.

This kiss was the moment when Bella Swan opened her heart to Jacob Black and let him inside her wall of self-preservation.

Years of having to be too old, too mature, too perfect fell away and for the first time, she was just a girl, kissing the boy she loved. His lips were soft and so unsure. She held his face and with eyes closed, kissed him with everything she'd never said.

Jacob's hands shook on her hips. He didn't grab her or cling to her, and she understood. She'd hurt him so many times, how could he possibly trust her to do as she promised.

"Jake?" she began, pulling away just far enough to open her eyes.

The moment their eyes met the world crashed down around them, magic crackled in the air and the bond that tied them together solidified into an unbreakable iron.

Electricity coursed through her body and she was knocked back by the force of it, but he didn't let her go. His hands held her tightly now, sure of his place in her heart. With a feral howl Jacob announced their imprint to the world.

He pulled her to him without restraint and kissed her. This was the kiss they were always meant to have. The kiss that held nothing back. The kiss that spoke of submission and acceptance. Their mouths moved together, lips and teeth devouring each other with a hunger neither had known before. She wanted to wrap herself around him, climb up his tall figure and cling to him with every ounce of strength she had.

His hand slipped up the back of her shirt while the other gripped her ass, making her squeal, making him smile. The rules were gone, she was his.

Swiftly he moved them to the forest floor and hovered above her, his lips never leaving hers. She pulled him to her, wanting to feel him everywhere. Her skin was aflame with the desire of perfect love, how had she ever considered letting him go? Hitching a leg up around his hip, Bella pulled him closer, needing contact, needing more.

Jacob complied. He ground himself against her, grabbing her breast and chewing on her neck until she writhed beneath him. The sensory overload was enough to make her pass out. After years of being denied, untouched and frustrated, he was _everywhere_. Hot and strong, and he wanted her. When she was sure she couldn't take anymore, he gripped the fabric of her pullover and ripped it away.

Barechested and exhilarated, Bella moaned and arched up, offering herself to his hungry eyes.

"Bells..." He groaned and pulled away.

"What?" She hated the whine in her voice, but more than anything she didn't want him to stop.

"I... I don't know..."

"Jake, it's okay..." she sighed, resignation settling in. Even with the imprint, he didn't want her. All the self-doubt and insecurities planted by Edward's inattention sprouted and threatened to overshadow her happiness. She reached for her shirt.

Jacob's hand gripped her wrist, stopping her. He growled with his lip curled, punctuating his command with a thrust of his hips that sent waves of pleasure through Bella's core.

"I don't know..."

"What..." she panted.

"I don't know if I can be gentle."

Her eyes widened and her heartbeat sped up to what seemed like a dangerous pace. "Who said you had to be?"

He blinked, shock flattening his features, making his reaction impossible for her to read. Then his weight was on her, his hands wrapped around her back, pulling her tighter.

"Bella..." he moaned into her neck, licking at her unwashed skin. Running her nails down his back, she felt something within her open. And like all the emotions her heart had held back, her body began to yield.

He pulled away, his eyes wild as he sniffed the air before looking back at her. A low rumble began in his chest as he took in her naked torso.

"I want..." His voice was strained, but if he finished the sentence it was washed away by the tide of pleasure that overwhelmed Bella when his lips brushed against her breast. He kissed her softly at first, the stubble of his patchy scruff rough against her flesh.

With a moan, she pulled his face closer, weaving her hand through his hair. He opened his mouth and pulled her in. Warm breath, soft tongue, and then the quick nip of teeth around her nipple had her body shaking beneath his. Twisting herself so she could grind against him, Bella's mind went black. His hands stroked her sides while his mouth sucked and chewed on her breast. She pulled his hair and gripped his shoulders, seeking something outside of her control.

"I want you so much," Jake declared, pulling himself up to his knees and whisking off his shirt.

The line of his collar and shoulders where she had washed was a stark contrast to his beautiful brown arms. She laughed, despite the desire seeing his perfect body inspired.

"Maybe we should clean you up some more." Her smirk was lazy, there was no doubt that this delay only meant there would be more time to be with him later.

"Fuck, look at me!" he laughed, his face shining and open. For the first time since he became the wolf, her Jacob was back.

"Jake, did we just..."

"I think so," he confirmed with a twinkle in his eye. "I don't know why it took so long, but yeah, I'm pretty sure that was imprinting."

Tears pricked her eyes and flowed down the sides of her face, into her hair. Laying on her back, she cried as he brushed the hair out of her face.

"Why now?"

He lay beside her, resting his head on his hand while the other stroked her face, her arms, her breast, her stomach. Any part of her skin he could reach, his fingers grazed lovingly. He shrugged and watched goosebumps rise in response to his touch.

She rolled to her side and kissed him again. Slowly and with languid ease, she brought her lips to his, letting his tongue taste her. "I love you," she whispered and nibbled his lip.

"MmmHmmm," he agreed with a self satisfied tone.

He stood up and stuck the end of his shirt in his waistband so it hung down his leg. She was glad he didn't put it back on. After offering her his hand, Jake pulled Bella up to stand before him. Both were still topless and her natural shyness began to kick in. She pulled the tattered sides of her pullover together across her chest.

Jacob pouted.

"Such a boy." She rolled her eyes, thrilled by his disappointment.

"So..." he shuffled his feet. "Do you want me to go, um clean up, or..."

"Walk me back to the cabin first?"

He nodded, a blush spreading across his cheeks. Wrapping an arm around her waist, he guided them through the forest, back to the small cabin. It was a place she'd hated this morning. A place where she was a captive, but now, as it came into view and the sun shone brightly above, it felt like home.

When they approached, Jacob's stomach growled.

"We have to start feeding you better," she declared, laying her head against him.

"Yeah," his eyes shifted around, looking through the trees.

"Do you want to hunt?" She stopped walking and looked up at him.

"No, Bells, I told you, I'm done phasing."

"Jake, you don't have to do that, if we're imprints there's no reason for you to stop."

He clenched his jaw, ferocity in his eye. "I don't like who I am when I'm the wolf. You deserve for me to be better than that."

"What I deserve is some food, and so do you. If you want to go hunt and clean up while I make some lunch, that's fine. There isn't enough left for both of us to eat for much longer." She paused and took a step back, "Besides, you're far too skinny."

He shook his head, stubborn to the end. "No, the wolf did this to me, to us, I don't want it."

She nodded and touched his face. "I know, but without the wolf how do you know it would have ever worked between us? Without the wolf I would have been killed by Victoria, or Laurent in the woods, or I would have married Edward without you ever bringing me here. How would you have kept me safe? How would I have ever believed in us without the imprint?"

He sighed and looked at the ground.

"Whatever you've done, it's okay. I forgive you, and I love you and I... I'm so thankful you're such a stupid, rash idiot. If you don't want to phase anymore, fine, but don't do it for me."

"When did you start talking so much?" Jake mumbled, still looking at the ground.

"Since I stopped being afraid." She lifted herself on her toes and kissed him gently on the cheek.

Bella walked into the house, leaving the conflicted man she loved behind with his demons. No matter what he did, it was up to him. She would love him either way.

She closed the door behind her and leaned against it with a girlish smile. _What am I doing?_ She wanted to scream, laugh out loud, anything to get the nervous energy pent up in her cells out. In two days she'd gone from engaged to a vampire, to kidnapped by a rogue wolf, to imprinted...

The imprint didn't make sense, the fact that it happened now. Wasn't it supposed to happen the first time the wolf saw his mate? Jake had certainly have plenty of chances, what changed? Maybe she'd never know, maybe it was just another in a long line of things she did backwards, but she didn't really care. Now that she had let him in, she was never going to let him go.

She pulled off the tattered remains of her top and threw them on the threadbare couch. In one of the drawers was a men's tank top she'd seen earlier. Pulling it on over her head, Bella lamented not having a bra. The top was comfortable, but not exactly discrete.

After pulling off her shoes, Bella made herself lunch. Black beans, a granola bar and peanut butter. Hardly haute cuisine but it was delicious nonetheless. After stuffing her face with as much food as she wanted, she used her ruined shirt to wipe her hands and clean up.

A knock on the door came, just as she was starting to worry.

"Who is it?" she sang playfully.

"The Big Bad Wolf," Jake's laugh rang out.

Opening the door, she smiled. He was still topless but his chest was clean and his hair was wet. "Can I help you with something?"

"I was wondering if you'd be interested in purchasing a set of Encyclopedias or Ginsu knives."

She broke first, laughing at his serious face and salesman voice. He strode forward, taking her smile as the invitation it was.

Their kiss hello lingered until it morphed into something more powerful and intimate. He walked her further into the cabin, hands on her hips, love in his heart.

"Close the door," she whispered, making him laugh.

"Why?"

"Just shut up and close the door!"

He complied, shaking his head. When he turned back around she stood before him, in nothing but her jeans. His eyes widened and words caught in his throat.

She wasn't brash by nature, but the reaction she'd inspired by taking off her top made the risk completely worth it.

"I didn't want you to rip this one too." She smirked as he closed his mouth and swallowed audibly.

"Probably a good idea."

He swooped her up in his arms, crushing her tiny frame against his chest and kissed her. Bella met him with equal force, their few minutes apart was probably a good idea, to clear their heads, but now that he was back and his bare chest burned against her breasts, all she wanted was more of him. She pushed her hand into his hair and pulled and she chewed on his lips. He tasted like the rain, like home.

His hand roamed her sides, slowly feeling each rib, each muscle. He trailed his hand up and down her vertebrae, leaving her breathless for more.

"Where do you want to..." she started, blushing and looking away.

"Don't be shy." It was a command, but his voice was gentle. "Don't be shy or afraid with me. Be yourself. Just say what you want."

"I want you." She pulled away from him and stepped back, leaving only her fingertips on his chest, keeping him at a distance. She took in his body. He was taller and his chest was broad and strong. He had the appearance of a full grown man. Maybe 25, but his heart was still only 16. The muscles of his arms and abdomen were even more pronounced than before he'd left, accentuated against the thinness of his waist. She could see his ribs and worry crossed her mind again.

"Did you eat?" she asked.

"Yes." He looked away, shame coloring his features.

"Good."

His head jerked up and his gaze bore into her. "How is that good? I just killed an animal and ate it raw? How is that anything other than vile?"

"It's good because you needed to eat. It's no worse than the chicken I ate the other night or the steak Charlie is probably having at the dinner tonight. Jake, I know what you are, it doesn't disgust me or bother me. I'm not pulling away from the animal, I never was."

He nodded, but worry still clung to his face.

Bella reached out and hooked her fingers into the waistline of his pants, pulling a thoroughly shocked and aroused Jacob toward her.

She sat on the ground before him, pulling him down to join her. When she laid down, she smiled and reached out to him. She offered herself up to him, submitting to his desire in a way that satisfied the wolf.

"Fuck Bells..."

His hand ran along the outside of her hip, trailing down her thigh to her knee. Once there, he squeezed her leg, massaging his way higher. She closed her eyes and rolled her head back.

When his hand reached her upper thigh she shivered, overcome with need. Her hips moved involuntarily, seeking what he had to offer. Jacob purred at the sight.

When his hand crossed the threshold of her thigh, she moaned, pushing up into the warmth. A rush of pleasure spread throughout her abdomen, relaxing and releasing her desire.

"Fuck Bells..." He moved quickly, undoing her jeans and wrenching them off so she was bare before him. Bella didn't have a chance to complain or feel uncomfortable before his mouth latched onto her mound.

"Holy shit!" she screamed as his tongue split her in two, searching for the moisture that had ignited his desire with its scent. He buried his face into her, his nose inhaling as his tongue lapped over her folds. He explored every millimeter, every facet of her sex. Moans broke through the peaceful forest, but it wasn't clear whose they were.

Discovering her, Jacob throbbed for release. But the scent of her wanting him was more than he could pull away from. Each new sound she made inspired him to try something else, each time her hips rocked into his face he attacked her with new ferocity. Instinct drove him to taste her, pull her further into him. All he wanted to do was show her how much he adored her.

Her small clit pulsed as he dragged his tongue over it again and again, using the tip to flick at her now and then. When he pulled her softness into his mouth and sucked, she screamed for more.

His own passion ached to take her, to possess her, but he was so afraid of hurting her, he couldn't let himself go. He was too strong and still too close to the wolf to trust himself. Instead he dove into her, gripping her thighs and spreading her legs wider before him. She squirmed, but he knew from the moisture before him that she didn't want to get away.

Jacob pushed his tongue into her, tasting the essence of her need for him. He pulled away, returning his mouth to her clit and inserted a finger into her. The warmth of her gripped at him, pulling him deeper, making him roll his eyes back in pleasure as he chewed on her sensitive flesh until she gripped his head, pulling him closer and screamed.

He withdrew his finger but continued to kiss her until she giggled and shifted away. Her legs lay languidly around him and she giggled again when he pressed his mouth to her inner thigh. Bella giggled. He hadn't thought it was possible for her do that.

After wiping his face with his hand, he maneuvered himself next to her on the floor.

"For the record," she said wrapping her arms around his neck, "I don't ever want you to be gentle."


	7. Chapter 7

"Are you sure it's safe?" Bella hesitated at the back door of her father's home. It was the middle of the night and the run back to Forks had exhausted her. The last thing she wanted was for Charlie to shoot them.

"No one's here, Bells. I promise. I can't hear a single heartbeat."

"That doesn't mean _no one's_ here..."

Jacob tensed at her correction and snarled. "If one of them was here, I'd smell it."

Bella nodded and climbed up the three steps to the back porch before easily opening it. For a police officer, her father was shockingly bad about locking doors.

Inside, everything was exactly the same. She didn't know why it struck her as strange. Why shouldn't everything be the same. She'd only been gone two days. This morning was technically her wedding day. Shudders racked through her at the thought of marrying Edward and she wrapped her arms around her middle.

"Are you okay honey?" Jacob's arms enclosed her body, pulling her against him.

Tears pricked at her eyes. "I just can't believe I'm supposed to get married today. Do you think they canceled the wedding?"

He exhaled loudly before dropping his head to her shoulder. "I don't know. Do you care?"

"Yes, God! All those people! What if they are still planning on going?" She turned in his arms and looked up at his shadowed face. "I feel so terrible. I mean, is Renee still flying in?"

"Probably, either for your wedding or the kidnapping," Jacob chuckled but she didn't find it funny. Pulling away from him, she frowned.

"I'm going upstairs to change."

"I'll wait here then," he shuffled his feet in what would have been cute if they were anywhere else. If they were anyone else.

Bella navigated the dark house easily, having lived here long enough to know where the bookshelf was and how far out the couch table reached. She managed to get upstairs without any major injuries and once in her room she sat down on her bed, cradling her head in her hands.

The emotions of the past two days overwhelmed her. The last time she was in this room she'd run outside, desperate to get to Jake. Now all the ramifications of her life, her choices seemed so... _huge_. She'd meant what she'd said. She was glad for the imprinting, glad for the wolf, but something still didn't feel right. This afternoon they'd held each other and said all the things they had been too afraid to utter before, but still, Jacob had refused to make love to her.

Just like Edward.

He was afraid of hurting her, afraid of not being able to control the wolf. Until finally, she gave up, feeling dejected and denied. That's when she asked him to bring her home.

Finally, she pulled herself together and climbed into the shower. The familiar scents of home and the routine of washing her hair calmed her. Her body ached. It burned with the memory of Jacob's touch, throbbed with the strain of riding the wolf as he ran home. Her body cried with exhaustion. But it wasn't time to sleep yet.

Stepping out of the shower, she wrapped her hair up in a towel and used another to dry herself. She dressed quickly, pulling on jeans and a t-shirt. Sleep wasn't going to come anytime soon.

Downstairs, Jacob had made coffee, and the scent of it filled her senses. When she entered the kitchen he handed over a mug with a weak smile.

"You should take a shower and grab some clothes from Charlie's room." She didn't look at him as she spoke.

The growl in the back of his throat was enough for her to know she wasn't getting anything past him.

"I have to call them, Jake. I'm going to call Charlie and then Edward. They deserve to know I'm back."

Jacob closed his eyes. Pulling his hands into fists she could see the effort it took for him not to phase, not to scream. The vein in his neck throbbed and the heat vibrating off him rose to a dangerous temperature. His outline rippled, energy seeking release, anger desperate for physical form, but he held on.

With a deep breath he stretched out his fingers, forcing them to relax and lifted his eyes to hers. Fear and desperation laid plain before her. She'd never seen him so vulnerable. Not even when he'd been hurt, lying in his bed, begging her to love him.

Before she could say anything, he nodded and whisked past her. The temperature in the room dropped instantly, leaving her with just the heat of the mug she gripped in her hands.

This was such a nightmare. She wanted to fall apart, ask Jake to call her dad so she didn't have to, go to sleep and never wake up. She didn't want to see Edward again or hear his voice. She had chosen Jake, the decision was made before the imprint, and when she made it, her destiny was decided. Deep within, she was afraid of being tempted. The idea of Edward's perfect face pulling her back in terrified her. What if she fell under his spell again? Being away from him had cleared her head, let her see how much of herself she was giving up to be with him. But perspective was easily lost when the Cullens were involved.

Still not knowing what she was going to say, she set the mug down and dialed her father at the station.

"Chief Swan." He answered his direct line after only one ring, his voice full of authority. For a moment she couldn't speak, couldn't breathe. How had she ever been willing to just leave him?

The moment stretched until she was tempted to hang up. And then he spoke again.

"Bella?" His voice shook and a tear broke free. She nodded, unable to speak, hoping somehow he knew it was her.

"Bells? Please, is this you?" Charlie Swan's voice cracked for the first time since he was fourteen.

"It's me Dad," she whispered.

Upstairs, the water for the shower turned on.

"Where? Where are you?"

"I'm home. I'm at home."

"Are you... Stay there... Will you stay there? I'll come home right now." The fear in his voice, that she wouldn't be there when he returned ripped through her. She'd come home after only two days away, and he was terrified, devastated. What would have happened to him if she'd married Edward, if she never came home.

Bella bit her lip to keep from sobbing. "Yes, I'll still be here."

"Okay, good, I'm, I'm coming right now Bells."

"I love you Dad." The emotions tore through her, pulling all of her regret, fear and shame out into the open and laying it before her father to see.

"Are you hurt baby?" He hadn't called her that since she was very little.

"I'm fine Dad. Just glad to be home."

"Me too. I'll be there in just a few minutes." _pause_ "Don't go anywhere."

She would have laughed at him if it wasn't all so painful. "I won't."

She hung up the phone and rested both hands on the counter. She felt like such shit. What had she put him through? Not just the last few days. She knew Charlie well enough to know that he wouldn't be this worked up over just a few days. He would be pissed, but not so... scared. It was like he was convinced he was never going to see her again. And if she'd married Edward, that's exactly what he'd have had to go through.

The past few years were a nightmare when she looked at them from Charlie's point of view. She'd been hospitalized, zombified, obsessed and insisted on getting married. She had even run away a few times. How had she never considered him in what she was doing? She'd convinced herself she was keeping him safe, but that wasn't it, was it. She was selfish.

The self-hatred that came with the realization made her want to throw up.

Straightening her back, she reached for the phone again and dialed Edward's number.

"Hello?" It was his voice on the other end of the phone, but somehow it no longer washed over her ears like velvet. It no longer made her melt.

"Edward, it's me."

"Bella! Where are you? Alice can't see you and we've searched everywhere we can think of! I'll come right now!" His words barely registered. _He never asked if I was alright_.

"I'm at home."

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

"No!" she screamed into the phone before he could hang up.

"What? You've been missing! I've been worried sick! Of course I'm coming." The sharp edge of his voice sang of annoyance. The contrast to his reaction from Charlie's took her breath away. Did he even love her?

"Charlie is on his way home and... and Jake is here."

"What?" Edward roared into the phone and she nearly dropped it. "Why is _he_ there?" Anger, jealousy, disgust. Thats all she heard in his voice. Where was the Edward who adored her? Who would do anything for her?

"I'll tell you everything, I promise, but I need to talk to my Dad. I'll come over tomorrow."

"I'll be there in five minutes."

"No. I need some time with Charlie."

He huffed, frustration clung to the sound. "Fine, but I'll be in your room waiting."

"Edward..." he hung up before she was able to finish her sentence.

"Was that him?" Jake asked from the doorway. She hung up the phone and turned to find him leaning against the wall, arms crossed in front of his chest. He had on a pair of Charlie's jeans and a t-shirt that was clearly built for a much slimmer man. His arms looked like they were going to burst through the fabric. He looked intimidating standing there like that, but it was better than him being naked. Charlie wouldn't deal with that well.

"Yes, he's coming over."

Jacob's lip pulled up into a sneer and his hands gripped his arms so hard Bella started to wonder if it was possible for someone to break their own bones.

"When?" he ground out through clenched teeth.

"I told him not to, but he... He's going to be in my room later."

Jacob grunted, thrust his hands into his hair and began pacing the kitchen, the vein in his neck throbbing. He fisted at his hair, pulling it hard. Bella watched as his face contorted with the emotions swarming in his heart.

"Do you need to phase?" She kept her voice calm, trying to soothe him.

He turned on her, all the anger directed at her suggestion. "I told you. I'm done phasing."

"But, you brought us home."

"That was the last time." He bent over, taking deep breaths while his body shook with the effort to contain his heart.

"Jake, it's too much, bringing me home, having to deal with my Dad and Ed..."

"Don't say his name!" Jacob growled, black eyes burning into her.

"Don't tell me what to do." She kept her voice soft, but didn't waver in her meaning. She was done being something someone else wanted.

"I..." He straightened and took one menacing step in her direction. "Fuck," he turned away from her and slammed his hands on the kitchen table, breaking it in two.

"Fuck!" he screamed again, backing away. Jacob was frantic, his energy pulsing through the room.

"Go outside." She commanded him, didn't ask him, didn't yell at him. It was a simple statement, one that he would normally fight her on, but this time he lowered his head and stomped toward the door. "Take off the clothes before you phase. Charlie will be here in a few minutes but you have time to take a quick run. I'll make some food."

He grunted and left.

She washed the dishes in the sink, drying the pots and pans as she went, anything to keep herself busy. The table was a lost cause, she wasn't going to be able to do anything about that before Charlie got there. The question was, how to explain it. _Oh I don't know Dad, it was like that when I got here_ wasn't going to go well, and she didn't want to lie to him anymore. She didn't want to lie to anyone.

But when she thought about it _The man who kidnapped me, kept me away from my wedding, and who I'm now planning on spending my life with broke it. He was angry._ Somehow that didn't sound much better.

And now the refrigerator was empty. It was such a small disappointment but she found herself sitting on the floor, in front of the open fridge, sobbing. How long had it been since she'd shopped? Since she'd even bothered to cook for Charlie. She knew he could take care of himself, but she'd neglected him, took him for granted in all of this.

"Bells?"

Charlie's voice was tentative as he opened the front door.

"In the kitchen," she hiccuped and pulled herself up, determined to make this whole disaster up to her dad.

He rushed in, pulling her to his chest. He still had his gun and flashlight hanging from his belt and his badge cut into her cheek, but she didn't care. She hung onto him and cried.

"I'm so sorry Dad."

"Shhh, shhh, it's okay, you're here, you're here." He smoothed her hair and said it over and over as if trying to convince himself it was true. What had she done to drive her father, her good, stoic, kind father, to this panic?

They stood together in the kitchen, surrounded by the evidence of Jacob's temper, but all they could see was each other. Bella wished she could be the kind of daughter he deserved. One who went to college, who got married and had kids and never caused him the kind of worry that had grayed his hair in only two years.

The sound of the back door opening pulled them out of their reunion. Charlie stiffened before thrusting Bella behind him and pulling out his gun.

"Who's there?" he demanded, aiming the gun at the dark hall leading back to the porch.

"Dad, it's just Jake." She placed a hand on his shoulder, but he didn't lower the weapon until Jake was all the way in the room. His hair was still wet from the shower and hung around his jaw in disarray, his clothes were far too tight and his feet tracked mud into the kitchen.

Charlie stiffened at the sight of his best friend's son before grunting a hello and putting his gun back in it's holster.

"Alright, I need some answers now. I'm glad you kids are safe, but what have you been..." He turned to sit at the table and stopped, his face white. "What the hell happened here?"

Charlie's voice rose as all of his worry and relief exploded into anger. Jacob growled at the threat and Bella would have sworn she saw his hair start to rise.

"Dad," she came around in front of him, blocking Jacob from her father. "Let's talk in the living room. I promise, I'll tell you what happened."

Charlie's eyes stayed on Jake, who had his eyes closed and was breathing deeply. "Fine," he grunted before turning on them and walking out of the kitchen.

"Jake?" Bella stepped up to him and placed her hand on his cheek, pulling him back to her. "If it's too much you don't have to stay."

"No, I need to... I want to..." he exhaled loudly before opening his eyes and looking right into her soul. "I'm not an animal, I want to be the man you deserve."

"You always were." Bella placed her hands on his chest and leaned up, kissing him softly on the mouth. "I hate that it took all this for me to realize it." She gestured vaguely around her, referencing everything and nothing.

She took his hand and watched as he relaxed. His muscles melted and a smile even ghosted across his lips. They walked into the living room hand in hand.

Charlie stood up when he saw them. "Well, that explains a lot," he snickered before sitting back down. His holster was hanging in it's place by the door and his top shirt button was undone.

"Dad, I'm sorry for making you worry. I didn't mean to... disappear like that."

"Really? It's not like you just wake up one day and decide to take off in your pajamas without your car or leaving a note." The edge to his voice made her wince.

"That's my fault," Jake finally spoke. He was hunched over, sitting uncomfortably next to Bella on the overstuffed couch. "I, kind of, didn't give her a chance."

"Meaning what? You kidnapped her?" Charlie snickered again and then looked at them. Bella had her hand on Jake's leg, while Jacob hung his head even lower.

"You _kidnapped_ her?"

"Nothing else worked!" Jake leaned forward, his voice imploring Charlie to understand. "I thought, I thought if I could just get her away from them, maybe she would... Charlie, Edward, Alice, all of them, they are... _bad_."

"I know you didn't like her being with someone else, but this isn't the way to handle things son." Charlie shook his head and leaned back in his chair.

"It wasn't about being with someone else, it was about _them._"

"You're starting to sound like your superstitious father." Charlie chidded.

"Don't tell me you thought it was okay, the way she was around them, the way they had her entranced!" Jacob's voice rose. It was laced with desperation.

"No, I never liked that Edward kid, but it's Bella's life." He looked at his daughter, sadness and worry had etched deep lines into his face. Bella hadn't noticed. How much had she missed about her own _life_?

"Dad," she started, waiting to continue until both of them turned their attention to her. "Jake's right, I was mesmerized with the idea of it all." She shook her head, ashamed of her behavior, of how much damage she'd already done to those she loved. "But... it's not what I want. I don't want fancy dresses and big weddings and eternity. I don't want to be like them."

"What are you talking about?" Charlie crossed his legs and cocked his head.

"Just... I don't want to get married. I want to stay here, with you, with Jake..."

Jacob's hand squeezed hers and she smiled.

"Alright, well, I don't know if you want to be making any big decisions right now. You haven't even talked to your fiancé yet, have you?"

Bella shook her head no.

"You should do that before you do anything else. Bells, I just want you to be happy. I just want to be here for whatever you need from me."

"I know Dad." She sniffed as tears threatened to fall again.

"And you," Charlie pointed a finger at Jacob. "You need to call your father. He's been frantic worrying over you and where you've been."

"Yes sir," Jacob smiled at the man who had been his second father his entire life.

"And if you do anything stupid like this again, I'll shoot the both of you."

"Yes sir," they said in unison.

Charlie stood up and Bella surged forward into his arms. "I'm sorry Dad."

He squeezed her tighter. "Just be here in the morning Bells, that's all I ask."

"I promise."

"Should I assume you'll be here in the morning too?" Charlie asked Jacob over Bella's head.

At Jacob's nod, Charlie chuckled. "Fine, just sleep down here."

"Thanks Charlie."

Charlie released his hold on his daughter and reached a hand out for Jake. After pulling the large boy up he wrapped his arms around him, full of the love a parent has for a child. "Thank you Jake. Thank you."

The usually taciturn chief of police released his hold on the boy and stood up a little straighter. "Alright then, I'm going to bed. But you," he glared at Bella, "have to call your mother first thing in the morning."

"Is she here?"

"No," he shook his head and looked at the ground. "No, she didn't think it so odd that a young girl would run away before her wedding. But, she hasn't been here to see..." He shrugged.

"I get it, I'll call her." Bella promised before leaning in to give her father a peck on the cheek. "Good night Dad."

"Night Bells, and Jake?"

"Yeah Chief."

"You owe me a new table."

**A/N - oh shit, Edward's coming next!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N - due to the incoming apocalypse I wanted to post this before I lose power. Thanks as always to YNotJacob and Shawnie_F for being amazing BETAs and putting up with my horrible use of my native language. You guys are the best! **

**Also, I'll be doing NaNoWriMo in November so may not get more of this out until December. I'm working diligently to finish Volume 4 of my Serial Novel Two Moons of Sera and a new original WIP titled "White Chalk." Until then, check out my other titles listed on my profile page. I'll be back as soon as I can!**

**Love you all!  
Pav**

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Part of her dreamed of running, of being like Jacob and feeling the ground beneath her feet. But she'd done enough of that. It was time to hold on.

Bella and Jacob sat in the living room in silence, listening to Charlie getting ready for bed. They held hands, but neither found much comfort in it. They were both waiting for the other shoe to fall. There had rarely been silence between them, even when they were angry, even when they wanted nothing more than to shut the other out of their lives, it was impossible. Tonight, the quiet hung like a noose.

"Why don't we go outside?" Bella suggested, eyeing her father's furniture. It wasn't much, but he really didn't need to have it all destroyed. Perhaps if they were outside, with fresh air to dispel the scent of vampire, Jacob would be able keep from phasing when Edward arrived. Plus, she was terrified of what Charlie would see if Jake did phase.

"I'm fine."

"I know you are now, but let's just sit on the back porch. I could use the fresh air."

"I don't need you mothering me," he growled.

"What do you suggest then? You won't do what I ask, you seem to think you have something to prove." Bella hated the whining in her voice, but she was exhausted and didn't have any energy left to fight with him. She dropped his hand in frustration, glaring at him.

"I do!"

"What? What do you think you have to prove?"

"That I'm... that I'm better for you!"

"I already know that, isn't that why we're here?" Bella was at her wits end. What more could she possibly give him? Her love? Done. Her body? Done. Her soul? Done. There was nothing left to give him, but she would if she could, just to stop the tortured look in his eyes.

"I... I want to be _human_ for you!"

"Jake," she melted at the admission. "Why do we have to keep doing this?"

"Because I hate it." He lowered his head into his hands and pulled at the hair at his temples.

"I know, but it's going to take time, and we're both tired. Tonight isn't the time to prove anything. Tonight, I need _you_. I don't care what form you're in." Placing her hand against his upper arm, Bella sighed at the tightness beneath her touch. He was already so close to the edge. It had been so long since he'd tried to be human, the strain of it wore on his body. "Come on," Bella took his hand and led him to the back door.

Outside, they sat on the porch steps and watched the forest line for any movement.

"The pack's nearby," he stated flatly.

"Can you hear them?"

"Yeah, they're about three quarters of a mile west, but I'm sure they know we're here."

"You can hear them that far?" She turned to him, surprised.

"Yeah, didn't used to, but now... you know, Alpha."

"You're not their Alpha though."

"I will be." The statement was flat, a predefined truth. Like: the sky is blue, the kitchen needs to be painted, Jacob Black will be Alpha of the La Push Pack. There wasn't any sense in questioning it.

Before she had a chance to say anything, Jake tensed. Glimmers of light danced around his form as he fought the need to phase. He stood, dropping his hand for her to hold.

"He's here."

Edward stepped into the circle of light cast by the bare bulb her father used for the back porch. Seeing him, Bella cowered, instinctively pulling away from from her fiance. Something was different... wrong.

"Bella," he said her name the same as always, elongating the "e" and flicking his tongue at the end of the "a". But instead of charming her, she was chilled. Her mouth dried and her tongue stuck in her throat, her memories of him fought with her sudden fear.

He stood before her, the light dancing on his pale skin, but instead of porcelain perfection he appeared wane. His flesh was gray and sallow, the texture waxy and tough. When he smiled, she could see the strain of the expression on his face. It wasn't natural. How was this the same man she had loved so desperately? How was this the man she was going to marry?

Edward stepped forward, holding out a hand to her, but she clung to Jacob. Maneuvering herself behind him, seeking safety from what stood before her. _This can't be Edward,_ she told herself, shaking her head and looking at him again.

"What's going on?" He tilted his head, but the movement was jerky, not his usual smooth elegance.

"What... What are you?" Bella's voice shook as she spoke.

Edward's eyes popped wide, showing the color of his eyes. She had been so wrong, they weren't amber, they were a yellowish-green. The color of puss and infection. The color of death.

"What do you mean?" He smiled, and instead of being entranced by his beauty, the pit of her stomach dropped. She could smell him, smell the rank staleness of death on his breath. Her stomach lurched and she stumbled backwards. She had kissed him, let him watch her sleeping. Chills of revulsion wracked through her body.

"Bells?" Jake turned to her, concern for the woman he loved stronger than the wolf's need to tear, rip, destroy.

"Is that... Is that what you've always seen?" She shuddered and pointed to Edward, her finger shaking.

"What have you done?" Edward turned to Jacob, sneering his refined features, pulling his lips up into a grimace that showed his unnaturally white teeth. They gleamed in the lamplight, menacing.

"Oh my God..." A scream bubbled from deep within her as she watched her fiancé.

"I think you should leave," Jacob stood, shielding Bella from Edward's gaze.

Instead of responding, Edward flattened his features, transforming himself into a mask. It was disconcerting how easily he hid his feelings away, how easily he returned to neutral. Like pushing a button.

Bella stood on the top step, peering at Edward from over Jacob's thick shoulder. "What did you do to me?" Bella squeaked out, forcing herself to look directly at Edward. "Why do you look so..."

"Dead?" Jake offered when Bella was unable to finish her sentence.

Bella's gaze returned to Jacob and he gave her the weakest smile in his entire life, but it was all he had. "You knew," her voice was ragged, "you knew what he was, that he... Are they all so...?"

Jacob nodded. "I told you Bella, they're monsters."

She nodded and gulped.

"Bella, love, come with me, lets get you home. You can talk to Alice and everything will be fine." She could feel Edward's words working their way through her brain, like a parasite searching for a place to attach and feed.

"Stop it! Whatever you're doing to me, stop! I'm not going with you. I can't believe I ever..." The magnitude of the mistake she had almost made gripped her by the throat. She couldn't breathe, her life was days away from being over. If Jacob hadn't... She lunged to the railing and retched, wishing there was something in her stomach to vomit. She wanted everything out of her, every place he'd touched, every moment she'd spent with him.

"Bella," Edward stepped forward, but Jake was faster, not even trying to keep up the appearance of being human.

"Stay away from her," he growled, he crouched slightly, ready to spring.

Edward stopped short. "What have you done? Why can't I read your thoughts, dog?"

"You can't?" Jacob asked with a satisfied smirk.

Bella took a deep breath, trying to reign in her body's reaction. She couldn't look at him, so she stared at the trees behind his head and tried to remember how much she loved him. She owed him an explanation. But when he looked at her, she knew it was an excuse, she didn't owe him anything, she just couldn't think of any other way to make him go away.

"Edward, I'm sorry about leaving like I did, but..." Edward raised one eyebrow at her. It was the only part of his face that moved and all she could think was how _unnatural_ it was_._ "I'm calling off the wedding, and... and everything. I'm staying here."

"Bella, love, that's fine!" He took another step forward earning a rumbling growl from Jake. He was barely maintaining his form as it was, and every time Edward approached her, his control weakened. "You don't have to go through such dramatics though, you could have just told me. Alice will be devastated of course, but you and she'll have forever to get over it."

"No, you don't understand," she pressed forward, her heart pounding in her throat. The need to be away from him, to lock all her doors and windows was overwhelming, but he would never leave unless she explained. "I don't want to have forever. I don't want... I don't want you."

"What?" Edward strode forward, closing the last few steps between himself and Jacob. The wolf clawed beneath his skin, his body vibrated. "Get out of my way, dog."

"No. You will not go any closer to her." Jacob pushed Edward, knocking him backward 20 feet, but Edward landed on his feet as if he'd hopped. The motion was cat-like, landing in graceful menace, ready to pounce.

"Stop!" she yelled and walked next to Jacob, taking his hand in hers. She clung to his arm, but couldn't tell which one of them was shaking. Maybe it was both. Edward's eyes flinched.

"Is this why Alice can't see you?"

"I'm sorry Edward, I really am, but you offered once to leave and let me have a normal life. Please, I need you to go."

Edward opened his mouth and screamed. It filled the air with a shattering screech that almost pushed Bella to her knees. But she held onto Jake, pulling from his strength. Edward's eyes lost their calm humanity and bulged forward. His scream forced his mouth wide open. If he had been human his jaw would have broken, but since he was already dead, it just gaped with blackness. His body crouched, ready to attack.

Jacob's body pulsed with his need to phase. Shoving Bella behind him he whipped off his shirt, but before he gave over to the primal drive, something large and black shot through the darkness and tackled Edward.

"She's _mine!"_ Edward wailed as the black wolf shook his body from side to side before throwing it against the trees.

"Get inside," Jake commanded but Bella stood her ground. Going inside would only bring this whole disaster closer to her father. "Bella..." his growl was feral and his shape blurred. He lost control before she could say anything and fur burst from his body. His perfect human figure grew and elongated, swelling with power, until the russet wolf stood before her, lips curled with the need to kill.

The wolf snapped his head back to where the black wolf and Edward still grappled, but he didn't leave his imprint's side. Bella placed a hand on his side, terror filling her whole body.

Sam's wolf had Edward by the leg and flung him across the yard, slamming Edward into the side of her father's garage. With an earth shattering crack, the garage crumbled around Edward's body. Inside a light turned on.

"Bella!" A high voice caught her attention. When she turned it wasn't the sweet smile of a friend she found, but the mask of a monster.

"Alice?" Bella placed her weight against Jake, letting the wolf carry her full load.

"Your father is awake and while I can't see your future," she glared at the wolf, "I can see his. I need to get Edward out of here."

Jacob growled and Alice lowered her head. "Please, can I just get him, I'll talk to him, get him to understand how things have... changed." Her eyes flitted up and darted between Bella and the wolf.

While the creature before her stirred nothing in her heart but disgust, Bella's memory of Alice, her best friend, called to her. She stood up and faced the pixie sized vampire and nodded.

Alice's face broke out into what would have been called a smile, if it weren't for the way her eyes drooped and her lips were cracked with death.

"Thank you... both." Then Alice was gone and Jake phased back.

"Sam!" he called out, pulling the black wolf's attention away from the monster emerging from the destroyed garage. "Let them go."

Jake's voice was low and thick with authority, Sam bowed his head and didn't move until Alice had recovered her brother. With an inappropriately friendly wave, she said goodbye and whisked Edward away into the woods.

As their silhouettes disappeared into the forest, the back door swung open and a very tired, very pissed Charlie Swan stepped out, gun in hand.


End file.
